* % The sunrise is simply beautiful !#*

Sunday, November 15, 2009

{So far yet so near...}

Hmm. Been wanting to post since tues. But, have been postponing it till now. So kinda forgot what i wanna blog alr.

Oral Presentation is over. I believe that my group had done our best and that our perseverance will be rewarded. Fri was the filing of GPF. OMG!! That's the marking of the end of project work and our whole year of hard work is done!! Fulfilled! I'm like kinda glad that both pw and chinese A level are down. What comes next will be the release of the results for this 2 subjects. Followed by the rest of my A level exam papers. Sorta worried that i cant really cope well with my studies next year. But, will start revision from tmr onwards. Ytd did my econs correction. Think too long nv write so much words alr. That's why while doing it, hand aching a lot.

While practising for oral presentation(op), the whole class gathered together to practise, had lots of fun and laughter too. I juz love the class the way it is. People from all over Singapore, people of different characters and personality, being able to bond together as one is not an easy task. But, i guess, my class made it. We made a miracle, somehow.

Time juz doesnt wait for us. It juz flies off, without us knowing. And, soon, the class gonna be seperated!! But, i dun want!!

Hmm. It juz seems so far yet so near. This is a phrase that i juz cant understand somehow. But, i think, i'm beginning to understand alr. Slowly beginning to. Yea, its far far away. But, juz right beside and i'm having the 'far far away' feeling within me. I dunno how to phrase. Sometimes, maybe it's juz my stupid emotion making a fool of myself. Sometimes, it may be the real me within me talking. I dunno. I guess, time will tell. My friends said: "Forget it. Dont bother." But, how? Saying is really easy, but doing is so so hard. I cant believe this. I'm facing this stupid thing in my mind. Dont bother? How to? Cant get off my mind of this stupid thing.

I guess, the only way to stop all those thinkings is to start studying real soon and get myself all involve in work work work. Only then, my mind will be cleared of all this thinkings and focus on what's more important.

So far far away. YET so so near...

|10:30 AM|

Monday, November 9, 2009

{HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO LIYING!!}

Yeah!! Now, officially 17 years old le. Dunno to be happy or not. Haha. Cos can be considered as older by 1 age. And also be considered as mature by 1 year. Haha. Which one which one?

Since last night, even 1/2 hr before midnight, melissa wished me first. Den still got a lot of ppl. Wishing me in facebook, by sms. Give presents and celebrated with cake. Haha.

Firstly, met up with amalina in the morning and went to sch for breakfast. Did something good for a start in the morning. Haha, shall nt sae much abt it. Guess, amalina will also feel good abt it.

Secondly, laurencia gave me something. She baked some small cupcakes for me with the words 'Hepi Bday LY!' for me!! Omg!! I'm like so touched luh. Thanks lot!!! Appreciated it. Also, tgt with a letter. It's so meaningful luh. Made me so touched and cried lo. Haha. Laurencia, you purposely want to make me cry de rite? Haha.

Den, melissa and chermel gave me a blue care bear and a card. Thanks lot!! They're just so observance. I didnt tell them wad i like, but they just know it. I liked bears. And i like blue. Haha. Thanks lot!!! I'm liked, touched.

Den, chermel hurried me to go canteen with her. I was like she always dun do that, maybe she wants someone to accompany her. So got laurencia and nelson to go for lunch tgt. Before that, raenes called me. Den lied to me that her mother called her. Know wad happened? Saw raenes, wilson, manda with a cake at one of the table at canteen. I'm lik, omg!! So touched touched. Didnt expect all this. And the words 'happy birthday liying' was there! Jiahua and chermel did chip in too. Guess i'm rather surprised for my birthday this year. Omg!! Jus too much of a surprise.

Do pw the whole day. Also slack quite a lot though in sch for a rather long time. Den went home with lauren and nel. But took mrt home, cos got to reach home early. Chatted a lot with raenes.

I found out that, initially i know i got a whole bunch of great friends!! However, now i found out that, they are not only great friends, they are just wonderful and excellent friends to have. Like my pri sch friends, without telling them, being so long friends alr, they still remember my birthday!! This just shows how great friends they are and they remember me!! Haha.

Den got my sec sch friends. Though they didnt sae much abt my birthday, bt they really remembered!! Even bought cake for me. Different sch from me de friends also remembered. Just how great they are.

And, here i have my jc friends. Gave me the support i needed this year and remembering my birthday though we just know each other for like, 8 months? They are superb.

Sometimes, i'm wondering, am i really just as great as what my friends said abt me? Or are they just trying to make me feel ok and happy? But, to all my wonderful friends, you are really just so great. As great and superb as wad i said. No doubt, i'm serious. Haha. Tmr shall continue with my post. Rather tired. Wanna sleep soon.

Happy birthday to myself. Had fun today. Also, my family, celebrated with cake for me ytd and parents treated me to dinner tonight. Spent quite some money. Think so far, this's the best birthday that i have, though not so grand but its the best so far, with wishes from friends and family. :)

But, been waitin for yr wishes, but none arrive.
Disappointed.

|9:29 PM|

Saturday, November 7, 2009

{Lots of FIRST TIME !!}

Woah!! I experienced lots of 1st time in just 1 day!! Yes, 1 day!! Can you believe it?

Morning, first time my group organising cip and then got problem crop out and had to solve it. First time be game i/c. First time interact that much with elderly and made them so happy as a team.

First time go sentosa with classmates. First time played volleyball at sentosa. First time had so much fun with just like 5 people including me. BEST of ALL, FIRST time go lan. Haha. Yesh, LAN. Cant imagine that right?? Imagine Tan Li Ying going LAN to play!! Haha. Cant believe it right? Haha.

Oh ya, and also, first time played such a fun game. Haha. Weirdo right? Do so much first time in 1 day.

Guess, that shall me how i end off my last few days of my 16th age. :P Haha. Tmr gonna do pw and pw. Alright, just pw whole day to say goodbye to 16th age. Hehe.

Hmm. Now still got gce work to do. And, also, gotta prepare for tmr's pw meeting with grp. Feel lik sleeping sia.

Chatted with amalina juz now. Haha. Think in library, only like to talk to her the best le. Haha. Miss chatting with her. :P Hmm. Shall get to work.

Really love 1s14. How? Been saying this for lik dunno how many times le. But, cant resist the temptation to say it.

Also, today saw my first wushu coach. Woah. First time eh. :P Haha. Cos ate at yoshinoya with melissa. On the way out of heartland mall, saw him lo. So sleepy now. Sian.

I want you to know that i love you.

|10:00 PM|

Friday, November 6, 2009

{Did i do the right thing?}

Hmm. Firstly, i'm really glad that my whole group did rather well during ytd's dry-run for pw op. Great job, guys !! Though they might nt see it here, but well, juz really appreciate the group effort that they put in. However, there's still areas for improvements. I believe that as long as we practice and work harder, we can do it right, guys? :P As we are nearing the end of our pw task, we seems to be more united, more teamwork.

On mon, talked to melissa. It's always great to talk to her. She gives me advice and i guess, i can trust her for somethin i want to tell someone. I guess, it's bcos we came from the same pri sch so had the same culture built in us ba. That's why we can click rather well. It's a joy to have her as friend.

Also, not to forget my 2 best friends in class, Laurencia and Nelson. They are 2 great people that i have met. They never fail to cheer me up and they simply make my days in year 1 jc meaningful and lovely. Thanks to them. And, they also helped me a lot in my studies. I think without them, my life in jc wouldnt be of so much fun.

Next, 1s14. I just simply love this class like crazy. I cant imagine that we are not going to be together anymore in juz like 2 months time. I cant bear to see this. However, i believe that everyone in the class will remember each other. The days of fun, study, chatting and all sorts of things. I dun think i will ever get to be in a class that's so lively and lovely as 1s14. I will miss everyone de. :(

Hmm. Well, guess now it's time to get to ICA to get my passport and den go back sch later to practice op. :)

|7:56 AM|

Sunday, November 1, 2009

{I'm freed or not?}

I guess... I have already thought things through. Rather thoroughly. I got my answer, after ytd's leadership lesson during gce meeting. A leader? What a leader needs to have and how to be a good leader? What will you do in a difficult situation? All this can lead to a conclusion: whether are you really a good leader? I wonder, once and always, am i a good leader? What have i done and contributed? Am i born or made a leader? Sometimes, i really wonder... Many thoughts running through my mind. Lik wad happen in drama, flashbacks happen. Thought abt the times when i was a leader. What have i done? Am i fit to be one? Sometimes, i juz want to try. Even if i'm meant to fail. I dun want to fail, even before i try. I will definitely regret it eventually.

I wonder, am i the one who has changed? Or is it the world? And, who made this change? I'm totally clueless. I hope to see a glimpse of light, after the dark. I'm lik walking in the dark, stretching out both hands, trying to hold on to something i can feel cos i cant see clearly. Though with fear, fearing of falling, fearing of what might happen next. But, if i dun continue to walk, i will be always stuck in this darkness. Bright light will never be seen. Picking up all the courage left, walking forward, even if im to fall, fall hard. But, i'm not gonna give up anymore. I'm gonna pick myself up again and continue my journey. Nothing's gonna stop me from wad i want to do now. The courage, the confidence and the everythin that i learnt, will not only be in my thoughts, thinking that i will be able to do it. It will be applied to my life. Application. My life.

I'm gonna live my life to fullest. Few more days, Growing once more. Got to learn to let things take its nature course. For the next 1 and 1/2 week, i gonna really focus only on my op with my grp. We'll all survive through this. Sick de sick, busy de busy. But, as long as we are all united, everythin will go well.

I dun mind if u hate.
I dun mind if u leave.
I dun mind if u dun care.
But i mind, if i'm lost,
But you're nt there.
N i mind even more,
when u are there,
happily without me.

|6:14 PM|

Friday, October 30, 2009

{In a dilemma ~~}

What to do? I'm caught in between. I wonder how. Ytd went home with melissa. She said my mind is easy to read. I guess so, after i came to jc. Everyone seems to be able to read my mind. They know whether i'm real angry or not, sad or wad.

This time round, who knows? Laurencia and Melissa thinks that i'm real lucky. But, have anyone ever wonder the obstacles that i'm facing behind this wonderful-ness. I cant link to anyone.

Ytd was on the phone with Rae for lik 1 hr? Den we talked abt a lot of things. We want the best for ourselves and for each other. But, well, nth is perfect. I cant do anythin to change any facts or wad now. What i seriously hope now, is for everythin to stabilise and for me to focus everythin on pw n chinese now. Juz seriously no mood for pw and chinese. That's wad happen.

I cant side with this person. I cant dun scold this person. I cant dun do anythin abt it. I cant let everythin happen on its natural way. I cant help it. How? I need guidance. And i seriously need help here. No one can understand me. The seriously bad side behind this good side on the surface. I guess only few understand this post. But, what's the use? Understand also cant help much. The solution and opinion juz cant click. I dunno wad to do.

I always hope that it would be better. But.. The sad thing is, everytime after it's better. It get back to bad. And then, worse. After that, i will be totally clueless as to wad to do. Today, i juz feel lik saying all this out.

Had girls talk with Laurencia and melissa today over dinner. But wad u think? It was funn. But we all had our own worries and frustration. It juz seems lik no one can help each other. Bcos we arent in each other's shoes. Cant really think in their way and help them do things. Though solutions and opinions seems good, bt wad u think? Speaking always seems better than action. But u know, action always are very much more difficult than speaking it eh.

Now, the me, got nothing to sae. I juz hope tat someone can understand my situation. Dun pity me. Give me time. Give me encouragement. Tell me that i arent suppose to be lik tat. It arent like me. Trouble me and my mind = not having a good appetite and sleep = frustration growing and sadness accumulating. And, soon i will get into depression and finally my project work(Teen suicide). lol. (KIDDING!!). I nt tat stupid luh.

Btw, today's commendation day. Saddening that our class are gonna be separated. Sad that one year has juz gone passed lik tat. Sad that i might nt get into same class as most of them. Sad abt many many things. Juz missed those days, having exams tgt, going for class outing, going for class chalet, eating tgt, chatting tgt, and laughing tgt. Also, studying tgt. Motivating each other. I juz miss all those days. I love all. How to leave all. Saddening.. saddening... saddening.

No amt of words can describe the emotions within me.

Speechless and emotionless me.

|9:36 PM|

Thursday, October 29, 2009

{Correction}

Hmm. Maybe i sound wrong when saying the security part. I mean, well, they thought tat i will lik juz walk out of sch straight without asking the security guard uncle anythin. But i asked. Bcos i find that, since i know tat we cant get out before 1230, we should ask still instead of juz walking out. Also, if later i juz walk out den the uncle call me back and sae cant go out, i will be lik seems very bad bcos i know it but i am still going against it.

Changed. :P

I scare different class from laurencia and nelson. Hope 3 of us can go same class again. :P

|8:18 PM|